In mediation, divorcing spouses negotiate an agreement with the help of a neutral third party, the mediator. The mediator helps the spouses communicate and negotiate, but doesn’t make any decisions for them. The mediator also ensures that you address every matter needed for a solid divorce agreement.

1. Less expensive
Mediation is almost always far less expensive than a court-involved divorce.

2. Faster
Many mediated divorces are settled in a few sessions. Compare this with the months that are commonly involved in a court divorce.

3. Private
Court is a public forum. The most intimate aspects of your life can be aired. On the other hand, mediation sessions are private, letting you preserve your dignity.

4. Children
Mediation can benefit your whole family. You, as parents, know what’s best for your own children. Studies show that a civil approach helps children recover better from the stress of divorce. A mediated divorce can make for better parents and happier children.

5. Flexibility
You choose the times to meet, and to do it on your schedule, not the court’s.

6. Control
This is a big one. Mediation allows you to control the decisions that affect you most. The adversarial process of court is simply not designed to give you control.

7. Success
Unlike couples who battle and are forced to accept a judge’s decision, with a mediated settlement you’re far less likely to return to court with future disputes. Mediation is simply a more civil and respectful approach to resolving your differences and moving on with your life.

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Yes. Not all couples are suited for mediation. In the first meeting, I screen for signs that mediation may not be the appropriate path. I will not work with a couple if any of the following are obvious: one spouse fears the other; there’s any current substance abuse; one spouse is pressuring the other; if one spouse is just plain uncooperative.

The average mediation takes 2 or 3 sessions, each lasting up to 2 hours. I’ve found that after 2 hours, people can get depleted, so not much progress is made after that time. Yours may take less or more time, depending on your issues and on your willingness to compromise and get matters resolved.

It’s called a “separation agreement” because it’s not a divorce agreement until a judge approves it. It must be all-inclusive, leaving no issues up in the air. A judge must find it to be “fair and reasonable.” It will become incorporated into a court judgment.

I also believe that a mediated agreement reflects the best in each of you. It proves that you were able to move through the pain of ending a marriage while still keeping your wits. It’s proof that you committed yourself to coming out at the other end as a stronger person.

I always urge each person to have an independent attorney review the agreement to make sure you completely understand every item.

Once you both tell me that the agreement is acceptable, I prepare all the documents that you’ll need for a joint petition for divorce. We’ll meet to sign and notarize everything, and I’ll give you complete written instructions on where you go, what to do, and what to say.

Yes. Even though you’ve agreed to everything and have a signed agreement, by law the judge must review the agreement to ensure that it’s fair and reasonable. The court hearing on a joint petition usually lasts all of 10 minutes. Again, I’ll fully prepare you for what you can expect and what you need to do and say.

Not usually. I’m available to go to court with you, and I can help make the experience more comfortable. But most couples go on their own. I’ll completely prepare you to handle it on your own.